It’s an established fact that each year seems to be getting more hectic and apocalyptic than the last. But for some reason you can’t go ten seconds without seeing someone hoping 2020 will be over soon.
The implication is that 2021 is going to be a respite or some kind of turning point. Finally, in the New Year, we will return to a lower gear and the world will calm down…
Surely 2021 will see us cresting the hill of horrors and entering a new golden age of peace and harmony...right?
… Right?
…… Right???
Well, in that hopeful spirit I have compiled a list of the top five things to look forward to in 2021.
Read em’ and weep, 2020.
A Return to Waging War Politely
Thanks to the arrival of President-elect Joe Biden and his Vice-President-elect Kamala Harris we can look forward to a return to waging war politely.
If glorious Progress truly puts its Nike-rainbow-shoed foot on the pedal we might even see LGBT drone operators and a woman of color boss at Raytheon. As Elvis sang: “if I can dream …”
The days of mean tweets will recede into just a traumatic memory that can be called up in the privacy of our therapist’s office instead of playing out as part of a national psychodrama. Thank God for that.
The Syrian regime can be overthrown decently and with a bit of class for God’s sake, and the Libyan and Yemeni civil wars can be entered into with just a touch more civility. Is it too much to ask that rebels be armed a little bit more discreetly and funding terrorists be done with just a bit more noblesse oblige and competent oversight?
If you’re ever worried, just rest assured that Biden is bringing back all the brightest stars of the Bush administration and the internationalist warmongering set, and remember that Henry Kissinger approves of the incoming president and has urged him to go easy on China.
It’s nice to finally be able to sleep soundly again at night without a cheeseburger-chowing maniac behind the big button isn’t it?
Enough Superhero Movie Sequels for Adults to Take Up All Free Time
If there’s one thing that our infantalized masses can also look forward to more of in 2021 it’s an endless output of more superhero movie sequels for adults. This time maybe Wolverine shoots fire from his ass or Batman uses telepathy to save kittens from bad men with fascist haircuts who want to stop girls from becoming president. Who knows.
The sky is absolutely the limit. Even beyond the sky, actually.
Maybe we could have a superhero movie that’s also about colonization of Mars through an ecologically-sustainable future model where humxns are used as batteries to power a giant AI control grid. It could feature a charismatic transgender lead who cures Elon Musk of his transphobia by rescuing SpaceX during a future crisis and saves humxnity from backwards pro-Earthist sentiments.
COVID-19 Vaccine and the Potential End of the Pandemic
As we lose track of what verse we are on of “the Wheels on the Pandemic Bus Go Round and Round,” we can all hope that we are nearing the end.
With all the great minds at work on the great problems of our age, the solution seems to be closer on the horizon and the much-vaunted Great Reset may soon begin. Perhaps once proper measures are implemented we will once again be able to do outlandish things such as … cross borders, travel and go to work and school.
You know, crazy stuff like that.
Indeed, as the COVID-19 vaccine approaches, there is reason for hope. Perhaps after a quick jab in the arm and some convenient nanotech New World Order microchipping from Mr. Gates and Co. and we can get on with all the important things we were doing prior to this nasty coronavirus such as … sitting at home and watching TV shows and YouTube.
One Step Closer to Klaus Schwab’s Dream World
Are you ready for Klaus Schwab’s brave new world? The World Economic Forum (WEF) has big plans for a future where nothing is owned. It’s the new incoming “circular economy.” But don’t worry, they promise you will be happy.
And if you’re feeling a bit down, you can always grab a WEF-approved beer made from recycled wastewater.
Cheers!
We have nothing but love for the great economic circle jerk in a virtual cloud that awaits us all as we prepare for our digital legacy and future generations to fade into obscurity and fecundophobic degeneracy.
Perhaps as we prepare for the “plural cities” of the future - far away from the poison of populism and nagging nastiness of nationalism - we can look forward to global peace and endless freedom from need, including state-mandated gfs (human-identity not guaranteed).
If We Made it Through 2020 We Can Make it Through Anything
Well, not actually. Nuclear war, for one, would be quite a drag.
What did I miss? Let me know. With so much to look forward to in 2021 it’s hard to keep track.